For The Love of The Benjamins

I seen an old friend of mine, with bags full of trinkets for her daughters 4th birthday party. The hand that carried the heaviest bag also carried a wedding band. It amazed me. We are here in our 24th year of life, yet she has what people search FOREVER for. Im still not sure how that made me feel. I wiped a tear from my eye shortly after we parted ways. I know I was happy for her. That I know. I was there in the waiting room when she found out she was pregnant, and I remember when she told me about the proposal. I was there through the darker days too. I think that's what gets to me. I remember thinking, "that could never be me," and now all I can say is "I wish it was."

A young woman in pursuit of happiness, which equates to "life, love, and laughter," yet my finger is empty and Im chasing a dream. Hmm, that last sentence didnt sound THAT bad at all. I know that at this point in my life, Ive figured out how to laugh, Ive figured out who I want to love, and Im learning how I want to live. This post is on the heels of this eye opener, thats why it started out emotional but ends optimistically. I am where I should be..This post is dedicated to Benjamin family. Happy for your journey, hope it goes on forever, and Im honored to be able to see this much of it.

Life, Love, and the Lesson

My bloggers, my bloggers, how long has it been? I missed u. Times sure have changed. This post is me, telling you, that somethings are not easily explained, or easily erased. One of my earlier posts was called "Expired Honey," where I spoke of not letting your past taint love. Then, I had a post way later called "I'm Ready," about erasing loves. Haha. If you didn't know, it was for the same person. I've tried, and tried, and TRIED to erase that man, but couldn't because somethings aren't meant to be removed. My eyes watered, leaked, sparkled, and shined brighter than ever for the same person. Imagine that. The way my heart jumped into his pocket when I saw him, and left with him upon exit. The way oxygen was sucked out of the room if something was said that may close the door between him and I. Man, what a feeling. I've had my highest highs, and lowest lows with one person's portrait in view. I could go on forever, trust me, I care that much. Instead, I want yall to be comfortable to be unsure, to take a risk in confidence that there will be ground beneath your feet. Trust me, I have no idea what Im doing, yet I know what I will not do- abandon the lesson my heart is teaching me, good or bad. A lesson is a lesson no matter who teaches you. Another post dedicated to a great love, a great teacher. To my favorite "what if," to my Honey :-*

I Got The Feeling

*dances to MJ* "I got the feeling, baby baby I got the feeling"

Yup, I think I got that feeling...when I first created this blog, I used to wake up at 2:30 am to write 2 blogs because one wasnt enough. Oh yes, I feel it. Cant you? I literally just blogged 30 seconds ago and Im at it again like MJ after the baseball stint.

Something tells me that this whole revamping phase that I am going through is a good thing. I got a feeling that this is where I leave the old hinderances behind to find the new lessons. I like this feeling. This is where all my growing up manifests itself in my actions.

I just wanted to tell you. I got that FEELING...

No cute pictures this time either..real shit, real me.. Sincerely, MJ.

Im R E A D Y

*opens classroom doors and enters*

Wassup bloggers and bloggettes? Its been a while, yea I know, life happens. I have alot to talk about. Yall remember that "Expired Honey" blog? Yea, well that EXPIRED. Why? Only because I cannot, and I repeat CANNOT function as the passionate person I am with someone that does not have enough heart to stand with me. No disrespect to anyone, but yall should know me by now. I call a SPADE a SPADE. In my book, a spade cannot be a diamond. Plain and simple.

Anyway, lets fast forward to the point of this blog.

Being a strong woman can be SO FUCKIN HARD! (Hope yall remembered that I type as I talk, expletives included) Trust me, its a gift and a curse. When your strong, taking care of everything, there is little chance for you to be the sensitive creature that a woman is meant to be. However, if we play the sensitivity role, a place like New York (my home) would eat you ALIVE. I mean, ALIVE..no remains after either. I have come to a beautiful plateau in my life. A balance. A place where I can be a woman, as sweet as can be, and a yet a woman, the builder of my foundation. It feels good to NOT be bitter, to NOT be sad. Even better to be OPEN and VULNERABLE to life/love. Not saying that it will definitely happen, but saying that I am open to trying again is good enough for me. Yup, this is it for me. My time, open my curtains. Why? Cuz IM R E A D Y!

This blog dedicated to my brother Fabe. You made me write again. I love you kid :-*

P I E C E S

The pieces that were broken, never returned the way they were.

Everytime I look into his eyes, all I can see, is her.

Those pieces that came back to me, were different, more complex. . .

Did I mention I'm much stronger now?

The best pieces NEVER left !

**Anything that you lose, was never meant to be yours.**--MJ

Love Me Better

*walks up to podium and taps microphone* Eh hem, eh hem. Im a thug, who stopped believing in love. No if, ands, or buts about it. *slaps microphone off of podium and walks away*

Ha. I bet you believed me. The truth of the matter is, in my heart of hearts, I adore it and wish it was something that existed. Never bitter, so Im going to give you tips on how you can make love better:

Here are the words:

1. "Hey baby, have a good day today."

2. "You've crossed my mind alot today, let me thank you for that."

3. "How was your day?" (make sure you listen to the response!)

4. "You seem down, is there anything I can do to change that?" (mean what you say)

5. "You are appreciated."

Now for the actions:

6. Surprise your partner with dinner and a movie. Get the pillows and blankets ready.

7. MEN-Hold her face when you kiss. Seal it with a kiss to her forehead

8. WOMEN-Massage his shoulders and whisper "You are perfect for me" in his ear.

9. Play games together. Laughter is key!

10. Do something you dont like, but your partner loves.

Most Important: SEXUALITY

11. Initiate the loving - let your partner see that you want them.

12. Tell them how to please you, and ask how to please them. (sex talk is fun!)

13. Stay at first base - kissing is GREAT for your health, and your heart.

14. Rub your partner from head to toe, because 9 times out of 10, its been a LONG DAY!

BONUS***

15. Tell your partner to get in bed, kiss from HEAD TO TOE (paying attention to special areas), massage, talk to, nibble on, and endulge in your partners whole body WITHOUT SEX. When finished (and that is not until you are SURE they are completely satisfied), lay down and look at your mate and say "Thank you for letting me LOVE YOU BETTER!"

THE END

Expired Honey

*hands up* Okay I know, it's been a while. Dont shoot! What can I say? I been tryna take over the world! For the newbies, let me introduce myself. My name is JUZLIK3MUZIK. Just. Like. Music. I type as I speak, slang and all. I have little action moves in all my posts (denoted by **), and I say whatever my little heart desires. This post is a lighthearted one so read on..

I had a nice little convo with a friend of mine, whom I will be dedicating this post to, and the convo went into the "I used to be" section. "I used to be a romantic" he says, "I used to be a poet." That led me to wonder, how many other ppl have gone down that stanky ass "I used to be" road? I remember days like that, where I used to get up with one main goal: make him happy. Oddly enough, I felt fulfilled knowing that every smile that day was because of me. Now, my main goal is: make ME happy. Not a bad move, but I can control my own smiles whether Im happy or not*thumbs down*. Ive been learning that throughout life we go thru stages and once we hit that "I used to be" stage, the honey has expired. I dont care WHAT yall say, Im not tasting no damn expired honey (neither should you) so I suggest we all take a second to go from the "I used to be" to "I am." Whats life worth, if we cant stick a finger in and get a taste?? Haha. This post is dedicated to Honey himself..;-*